Kourtney Rutkowski
B.S., Mechanical Engineering
Minor: Psychology
Cum Laude
Hometown: Bel Air, Maryland
Plans: M.S., mechanical engineering, UMBC

UMBC has also helped to grow my leadership skills, my confidence, and has opened my mind in so many ways.

Kourtney Rutkowski enjoys being the first, particularly when it comes to unique learning experiences. As an engineer with an interest in cross-cultural exchange, she was UMBC’s first student to participate in a semester-long study abroad at the University of Porto in Portugal, and one of the two first students to participate in a winter study abroad at the University of Kassel in Germany, after UMBC initiated research and education partnerships with both institutions.

Home at UMBC, Rutkowski has participated in the Grand Challenge Scholars Program and Center for Women in Technology (CWIT) Scholars Program. She is a member of the Honors College and Tau Beta Pi, the honors society for engineering. She has held leadership positions on the CWIT student council, in Tau Beta Pi, and as a UMBC Eco-Ambassador, and she currently serves as the inaugural student president for the Grand Challenge Scholars Program Student Organization. Additionally, she has worked as a teaching fellow for multiple courses, most recently as a lead teaching fellow for statics.

Rutkowski shares that mentors across campus have provided her with valuable guidance related to research, career options, and pursuing opportunities abroad. She worked most closely with Anne Spence, former professor of practice at UMBC; Jamie Gurganus, associate director for engineering education initiatives; Marc Zupan, associate professor of mechanical engineering; and Neil Rothman, professor of practice in mechanical engineering.

As a student in the integrated B.S./M.S. mechanical engineering program, Rutkowski will remain at UMBC after graduation to complete her graduate degree, before moving on to opportunities in industry and, perhaps, a Ph.D. and mechanical engineering teaching career of her own.

Portrait by Marlayna Demond ’11 for UMBC.

They’re going to find out I’m a fake

“It’s all just dumb luck” “Why would they choose me for the job?” “I don’t deserve this; I didn’t earn this. This has to be a mistake!” “God, if they only knew … “ These are some of the things that have gone through our minds after getting a job, achieving a goal, being praised for a job well done, or even just being complimented on a nice outfit.  No matter how talented we are, no matter how hard we worked to get there, there’s a part of us that feel undeserving. What’s more, it’s not just an evil voice that whisper these ugly things in our heads, but a feeling. A sick feeling in the pit of our gut that just won’t go away, despite our achievements. No, it’s not just you. I’ve been there, too. Yes, there is a term for it: imposter syndrome.

What is Imposter Syndrome?

According to Scientific American imposter syndrome is “a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity, or fraudulence despite often overwhelming evidence to the contrary.” In other words, you feel like you’re a phony, you’re constantly doubting and second-guessing yourself, and think everything you do is a sham. You are unable to accept your accomplishment, let alone enjoy it.

The term, imposter phenomenon, was first used by clinical psychologists Dr. Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes in 1978 to describe the feeling often felt by high-functioning women who felt their accomplishments were more from luck than their own hard work and ability. These women felt as if they were fakes, that they would be revealed as frauds.

When first “discovered,” health professionals thought this syndrome affected predominantly women, but now, after much research, they have found it affects men and women equally. It affects people of all genders who are high functioning and high achieving. Now, having said that,  women also deal with pronounced sexism plus internalized sexism which makes this an important topic for us to dig into here on the Women’s Center blog.

Why are women more susceptible to imposter syndrome than men? Perhaps it’s the conditioning of countless generations of women to be “modest,” to be “humble,” to be the caretakers and caregivers and to melt into the background while allowing the men to stand in front, to take charge, to shine. Perhaps it’s the millenia or more of telling our daughters and sisters and nieces that boys are “smarter than girls,” that we are “less than” our male counter parts, that we weren’t meant to be their equals. In Kate Bahn’s piece Faking It: Women, Academia, and Imposter Syndrome she writes: “a recent survey of undergraduates at Boston College, which showed that female students finished college with lower self-esteem than they started with. Male students, on the other hand, graduated with greater self-confidence (albeit lower GPAs) than their female peers.” No matter how much education we acquire, no matter how much more qualified we become, the feeling of inadequacy never leaves, instead, it just gets stronger.

Famous people who struggle with imposter syndrome

Here is a quote by Maya Angelou from the website theHUSTLE. Would you think she struggled with imposter syndrome?

“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.”

MAYA ANGELOU

Michelle Pfeiffer (multiple nominee for Academy Awards and Golden Globe awards, successful actor, producer), Chris Martin (lead singer of the popular band Cold Play, song writer, producer), Sheryl Sandburg (COO of Facebook, former vice president of global online sales and operations at Google, named one of 2012 Time 100 most influential people, wife, mother) … the list goes on. What’s the one thing they all have in common? They all feel they’ve been putting on an act, that they are frauds, none of their accolades are earned.

How do you handle imposter syndrome?

There’s power in naming so now that you know about imposter syndrome, how can you fix it? Well, there aren’t any magic pills that will make imposter syndrome go away. No genie in a bottle and a wish or o magic wand to wave over yourself. In other words there are no easy fixes that will make you feel gloriously confident and deserving of it all. There are, however, ways of coping and overcoming the relentless, self-damaging, at times, debilitating taunts.

There are the usual go-to tips: meditation, deep breathing exercises, yoga, healthy eating and lifestyle, and of course, that elusive ingredient, sleep. Yes, in a perfect world this would solve the problem, but for most of us stress and lack of sleep is the norm, so here are some other tips on how to manage your imposter syndrome. 

1.  Don’t sell yourself short. The website Personal Excellence states: “Maybe you feel like a fraud because you don’t think you have anything good to offer … know that whatever place you are at in life now, you are here because you are ready for it.” Know that your being who you are is what’s going to give this job the uniqueness that only you can bring to the position. You are the only apple in a sea of oranges.  Or the only orange in the sea of apples.  Or the kiwi … or the grapes …  you get the picture.
2. “Stop comparing yourself to that person”. As I’ve stated in #1 you are unique. Your accomplishments are unique. Thinking your way is not as good as someone else’s is not only self-sabotaging, it’s futile. You are different people, therefore, your way of doing things are different. You are not them; they are not you. End of story.
3. Allow yourself to make mistakes. We don’t learn from our successes, we learn from our mistakes. Being wrong, making mistakes, is not a waste of time, merely lessons learned. Get upset, get angry, then get back up and use those lessons. Only you can turn the “wrongs” into valuable “rights”.

Self-doubt, anxiety, panic, fear, stress …    

 Everyone has moments of self-doubt and anxiety. We are juggling school, work, for some, family, and many more issues daily. The world is full of things that bring on stress and anxiety, every minute, every hour, every day. The Women’s Center at UMBC is one of the places you can come and share with other women who are struggling with similar issues, experiences, and solutions and options with each other. If you feel you need to speak to someone on a one-on-one basis the professional staff members along with our student staff members, and those who utilize the Center regularly. Know that there are people who understand when you say “I don’t deserve this” or “It was a mistake” or “I’m a fake.” We are journeying, experiencing, and dealing with this very common issue. Please, don’t be afraid to share what you’re going through, even if it’s just with a pen on a sheet of paper. And if it’s keeping you from functioning in your daily life, please, seek counseling. We at the Women’s Center will help connect you with the resources you may need. Know that you are not alone in struggling with imposter syndrome. We are here to listen, and we will help any way we can.

Even More Resources:

From AAUW’s Being a Woman in STEM Isn’t Easy

Check out Feminist Fight Club from the Women’s Center library

From Everyday Feminism – a way to tackle imposter syndrome with an intersectional lens

Ariana  is a double major in Biology (BA) and Psychology (BA), who will graduate in 2019. She is a member of the Honors College and 2018-19 URA Scholar.

Title of your research project:  Rat Prostate Cancer Model

Describe your project: To create a floxed P53 rat, for prostate specific P53 loss.

Who is your mentor(s) for your project? My mentors are Michael Rubenstein and Dr. Bieberich from the Biology Department. I found my mentor by talking to my bio 141 TA, who advised me to email specific professors at UMBC that encompassed my interests in genetic research, cancer research, and working with animal models. 

How did you become interested in this project? I became interested in this project because I had a passion for cancer treatment and research, and have a strong interest in how genetics influence disease initiation and progression. I also was excited to work closely with rats and mice given I had previously worked in animal care. Another aspect of my research that caught my interest is that I would conduct different surgical procedures on rats and mice. Given that I want to become a physician, this is exciting because I am able to learn and practice some skills I will later learn in medical school.

What has been the hardest part about your research/what was the most unexpected thing about being a researcher? The hardest part about research is that a seemingly simple experiment can fail countless times before it will work. Often, these experiments are composed of dozens of steps that take up anywhere from several hours to several days. It can get disheartening, but it’s important to not give up. From watching my mentor, I have found that resiliency is an important quality of a strong researcher.

What has been the most rewarding part?  The most rewarding part about my research is that I am able to contribute to the progress of cancer research, even though my role is small. By being a part of the research community, I am able to see all the progress cancer research has already made, and this inspires me to work hard.

How will you disseminate your research? I presented at the UMSOM 9^th Annual Cancer Biology Research Retreat on April 30th. I have also presented at URCAD in the spring of 2017, and will again next spring (2019).

What is your advice to other students about getting involved in research?  My advice is to not delay. The sooner you can get started in research, the better understanding you will have about what your passions are, and the more time you will have to contribute to your lab.

What are your career goals? My career goals are to become a Pediatric Oncologist and to integrate research into my daily working life. 

Demos: Designing & developing effective mobile applications

UMBC students will demonstrate collaborative mobile computing projects developed in integrated classes offered by Computer Science and Fine Arts. The demonstrations will take place from 4:00 to 5:00pm on Tuesday, 15 May 2018 in the main 3rd floor hallway of the ITE building. Pizza and soft drinks will be served at the event.

The faculty behind  the Designing and Developing Effective Mobile Applications class created the course specifically to prepare students for careers requiring interdisciplinary, team-based approaches to creative projects. Viviana Cordova, assistant professor of visual arts, and Nilanjan Banerjee, associate professor of computer science and electrical engineering, jointly developed and taught the course with support from the Hrabowski Fund for Innovation.

Brief descriptions of the seven group projects that will be demonstrated are available on this poster.

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Cynthia Matuszek named one of AI’s 10 to Watch 

UMBC CSEE Professor Cynthia Matuszek was named as one AI’s 10 to Watch by IEEE Intelligent Systems. The designation is given every two years to a group of “10 young stars who have demonstrated outstanding AI achievements”.  IEEE Intelligent Systems accepts nominations from around the world, which are then evaluated by the the publication’s  editorial and advisory boards based on reputation, impact, expert endorsement, and diversity.  Dr. Matuszek was recognized for her research that “combined robotics, natural language processing, and machine learning to build systems that nonspecialists can instruct, control, and interact with intuitively and naturally”.

Professor Matuszek joined UMBC in 2014 after receiving her Ph.D. in Computer Science from the University of Washington.  At UMBC, she established and leads the Interactive Robotics and Language Lab that integrates research on robotics and natural language processing with the goal of “bringing the fields together: developing robots that everyday people can talk to, telling them to do tasks or about the world around them”.

Here is how she describes her research in the IEEE Intelligent Systems article.

​You can access a pdf version of the full IEEE AI’s 10 to Watch article here.

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2018 Mid-Atlantic Student Colloquium on Speech, Language and Learning

The 2018 Mid-Atlantic Student Colloquium on Speech, Language and Learning (MASC-SLL) is a student-run, one-day event on speech, language & machine learning research to be held at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County  (UMBC) from 10:00am to 6:00pm on Saturday, May 12.  There is no registration charge and lunch and refreshments will be provided.  Students, postdocs, faculty and researchers from universities & industry are invited to participate and network with other researchers working in related fields.

Students and postdocs are encouraged to submit abstracts describing ongoing, planned, or completed research projects, including previously published results and negative results. Research in any field applying computational methods to any aspect of human language, including speech and learning, from all areas of computer science, linguistics, engineering, neuroscience, information science, and related fields is welcome. Submissions and presentations must be made by students or postdocs. Accepted submissions will be presented as either posters or talks.

Program

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