A post curated by the Women’s Center’s Program Coordinator, Jane DeHitta

At the end of every semester, the Women’s Center hosts a Graduation + End of the Year celebration for all of the Scholars + Affiliates in the Returning Adult Learners Program. (Read on to see a list of our graduating RAL Scholars) This event is a special tradition in the Women’s Center with its intentions rooted in creating celebratory space for both our continuing and graduating returning adult learners who are UMBC students seeking their first undergraduate degree.

These students are called “returning” because they often have various circumstances that have kept them from what our popular culture deems as a traditional college path and they are now “returning” to college to pursue their degree. Student scholars in this program not only receive scholarships to help financially supplement their tuition, but also benefit from tailored support and programming from Women’s Center staff through individualized meetings, programs, and events that meet the specific needs of older students on campus. Affiliate Scholars are also an important part of our program and community (and if you’re interested in joining, reach out to the Women’s Center!).

For the last few years, our pinning ceremony has been held over virtual calls, with graduating students receiving their pins in the mail prior to the event so that they can “pin” themselves on camera before sharing what it means to them to have reached their goal. This year, we had our first in-person RAL End of the Year Celebration since the lockdown, and it was a delight to welcome our scholars + affiliates into the Women’s Center space, joined by our newly inaugurated president, Dr, Sheares Ashby, and our new Women’s Center director, Lauren Allen, as well as representatives from the Newcombe Foundation and other campus members.

I have now had the honor of working with the RAL program for the last two years and it is always such a joy to come together and celebrate these students and to give them space to celebrate themselves. During our time, Dr. Sheares-Ashby eagerly asked each of our adult learners to share about themselves–What are you studying? What made you come back to school? What do you want to do after you have graduated? Hearing their stories always reminds me that no matter where you are in life or what you have been through, it is never too late to come back, change paths, or pursue something new. Adult Learners enrich our UMBC community and we are so happy for our students who are one step closer to completing their goal.

ID: Dr. Sheares-Ashby listening to RAL students sharing their stories

ID: RAL community gather in the Women’s Center Lounge to reflect on the past year

ID: RAL Scholars + Affiliates with Women’s Center Pro Staff and Newcombe Scholar Representatives stand together smiling

And now, it is with great joy and pride that I invite you to join me in celebrating these fantastic students and their accomplishments. Below are this year’s (Spring ’23 & Fall ’22) graduating Returning Adult Learner Scholars who in their own words* share what they were involved in at UMBC, what’s next for them after UMBC, and advice they wanted to share with other adult learners.

Megan Curtiss – Environmental Science & Geography BS, Spring ’23

What were you involved in at UMBC and/or what was your experience like as an adult learner? Working full time and going to school full time has certainly been a challenging experience. I was hopeful that as long as I continued to put one foot in front of the other and focus on what needed to be accomplished today, I could reach my goal of graduating. When I first transferred to UMBC, I had no idea what kind of resources were available to students or how to navigate the college experience as someone older than all of my classmates. There was a bit of a learning curve for me, but after talking to different people (classmates, professors, advisors, etc)about their own experiences I started to get a better idea of how I wanted to spend my time while at UMBC. A suggestion during an RAL mid-semester check-in prompted me to reach out to some of the professors in my department about possible research opportunities that I could become involved with. Sending a quick email and asking that question about research on campus allowed me to spend a lot of this time in my final semester before graduating gaining research and practical field experience that I can include on my resume. It has also given me the chance to develop my networking skills and strengthen my ability to represent myself professionally in my field.

What are your plans after graduation (grad school, work, etc.)? I don’t have concrete plans just yet. I am giving myself a little time to breath before really commiting to my next steps. I have considered grad school and have been applying to jobs and internships in my field. I am waiting to see what opportunities present themselves over the coming months instead of stressing myself out over timelines of when things SHOULD happen. However, to celebrate completing my undergraduate degree, I have two trips planned for the upcoming months! I am going to go to Nevada for a week in June and Costa Rica for 10 days in September. So, I am very excited to get to travel and just enjoy life for a moment.

Looking back on your experience, what is your advice for current Returning Adult Learners? My advice for current Returning Adult Learners is to utilize the resources within this program and at the university in general. I was intimidated by my lack of understanding when it came to how college ‘worked’. For example, I wasn’t sure how people got involved in research on campus and a conversation in my mid-semester check in provided the insight that it’s as simple as sending an email to a few people in your department and asking. Building relationships with professors and advisors is also a great asset. My experience has been that most of my professors want to see their students succeed. Cultivating those relationships helps in a lot of ways – from having academic references, letters of recommendation, or just being able to ask for help when you need it in a particular class.

What else do you want to share? It’s okay to work at your own pace. I struggled (and still do at times) with thinking I needed to rush through this process and that I am running out of time to accomplish my goals. By being so focused on reaching the finish line, it’s easy to miss out on the moments that can really shape and define the experience. Also, be patient with yourself! There were semesters where I knew the course load for specific classes would be heavier and going part time would be the best choice so I could devote the time I needed to be successful and maintain my responsibilities outside of school and my mental health. Everyone’s journey is different.

Kristy – Biological Sciences BA, Spring ’23

What were you involved in at UMBC and/or what was your experience like as an adult learner? I had a lot of worries and anxiety when stepping back into a classroom setting but knowing that there were programs like RAL and the Women’s Center made the reset so much easier. The support and friendships that I’ve had throughout my time at UMBC will always be so cherished!

What are your plans after graduation (grad school, work, etc.)? I’m in the interview process for a data scientist position for the DoD, so fingers crossed that pans out.

Looking back on your experience, what is your advice for current Returning Adult Learners? I think a lot of us are familiar with carrying more weight than we should. For me, branching out and asking for help is something I’ve always struggled with, especially when you feel like no one can relate or emphathize. At UMBC, the professors really are beyond supportive and there are countless resources to ensure that you’re getting the appropriate support to help you succeed. I hope future RALs don’t wait or hesitate to seek help when they need it.

What else do you want to share? To the entire Women’s Center staff who makes sure that the programs, physical office, and members are always up and running, there aren’t enough thank you’s to suffice. The financial support was a tremendous weight off my shoulders but the groups, check-ins, and discussions shared together are safe spaces and moments of peace for a lot of RALs who don’t otherwise get that chance. Forever grateful for everyone!

Erlinda – Modern Languages & Linguistics BA, Spring ’23

What are your plans after graduation (grad school, work, etc.)? This fall, I intend to work as a Spanish teacher at a public school. I plan to use my degree and knowledge of the Spanish language to work with students, helping them learn and understand the language better. I am passionate about teaching a second language and I believe that it is important for everyone to know more than one language. I also plan to complete a master’s degree in intercultural communication at UMBC with a concentration on language and culture. This will give me a foundation in the field and help me better understand different cultures as well as language learning. I will become more culturally aware, and it will help me a lot in my teaching career because there are ethnic groups of students, and it is important to be culturally aware. My future career after completing my master’s degree is to become a Spanish instructor at a community college.

Looking back on your experience, what is your advice for current Returning Adult Learners? My advice to current adult learners is to never give up on their studies; patience and persistence will pay off. It won’t always be easy, but it will be worth it in the end. Don’t forget to take care of yourself by getting plenty of rest and staying healthy. It’s important to remember that you are not alone in your journey and that there are many resources available to help support you throughout the process.

What else do you want to share? Thank you for letting me be part of this community and for supporting me financially and personally. I am motivated and excited to be able to keep learning and growing in my field as a Spanish teacher. With your help, my dreams of obtaining a bachelor’s degree have come true.

Cai – Social Work BA & Psychology BA, Spring ’23

What were you involved in at UMBC and/or what was your experience like as an adult learner? I did a lot of networking

What are your plans after graduation (grad school, work, etc.)? Work in the field and contemplate grad school!

Looking back on your experience, what is your advice for current Returning Adult Learners? Make use of the resources and always always ask for help

What else do you want to share? It’s been 10 years since I dropped out of school and got sober, so this is a hug achievement for me!

Ashley – Social Work BA & Psychology BA, Fall ’22

What were you involved in at UMBC and/or what was your experience like as an adult learner? As an adult learner at UMBC I tried my best to get involved as much as possible. I was the co-vice-president of the Phi Alpha Social Work honors society. I also had the opportunity to participate in research with a wonderful mentor, Dr. Kerri Evans, from the social work department. I was able to work as a research assistant, during which time I worked on a few academic publications. Additionally, I worked with a team to develop a board game to be used for cultural sensitivity training towards immigrant students in K-12 schools. I was able to present one research paper at URCAD 2022. I was able to co-present our game project at the CSWE Critical Conversations conference 2022.

What are your plans after graduation (grad school, work, etc.)? After graduating I plan to complete a masters degree in clinical social work. I’m not sure about which population I would like to work with yet!

Looking back on your experience, what is your advice for current Returning Adult Learners? My advice is to appreciate the kind community of people who offer support at the women’s center. Make as many friends as possible. Don’t be afraid to confide in them if you are struggling. This is a great place to be.

What else do you want to share? I am super appreciative of the team in the women’s center who have shown me nothing but kindness and support. It was a huge blessing in my life to be a part of this community. I have gone through so much during my time at school, but I knew I always had support with the RAL scholar staff members. Love them :).

Lejla Heric-Safadi – Public Health BA, Fall ’22

What you were involved in at UMBC and/or what was your experience like as an adult learner? My involvement was with the Women’s Center and as a member of AMWHO.

What are your plans after graduation (grad school, work, etc.)? I started a full-time position during my last semester, so I will continue working while applying to graduate programs.

Looking back on your experience, what is your advice for current Returning Adult Learners? Do not be afraid to challenge yourself. Ask for help because you are not alone. Build connections with the people in your classes as you might gain new friends like I did.

What else do you want to share? UMBC and Women’s Center were crucial to my success as a returning student. I could not have found a better place for me, as I felt supported and encouraged, even during struggles that Covid brought on. I fulfilled all my academic goals and then some, as I added two minors and a certificate to my major, which will not only be helpful to my career, but have also helped me clarify the focus of my further studies.

Jency Suresh – Social Work BA, Fall ’22

What you were involved in at UMBC and/or what was your experience like as an adult learner? As an adult learner, it was hard for me to find time for clubs or any other activities in the campus. Through, women’s center services I was able to meet with the students who were adult learners. I was able to talk to them and have conversations with them on so many topics. During COVID, the Women’s Center helped me to grow strong because I know they were there for me no matter what the situation was. Ms. Jess, Sandra and Jane were very supportive whenever I had a concern or a problem. They were there to listen to me and help me sort out my concerns. Ms. Jess always went beyond her role and helped me. I am very grateful for everything the women center has offered me!

What are your plans after graduation (grad school, work, etc.)? I am planning to pursue my Master’s degree in Social work

Looking back on your experience, what is your advice for current Returning Adult Learners? Please do not hold back your questions. The Women’s Center has answers for you!

What else do you want to share? I want to encourage all the hard working students to get out there and push hard to accomplish their dreams.

Jackie SJ Kim – Acting BFA, Fall ’22

What you were involved in at UMBC and/or what was your experience like as an adult learner? Acting BFA – professors needed to work more on learning different ethnic backgrounds of their students and how they’re being treated between their faculty and staff members.

What are your plans after graduation (grad school, work, etc.)? Move to ATL and eventually LA

Looking back on your experience, what is your advice for current Returning Adult Learners? Don’t give up. Age is just a number. Everyone’s journey and chapter is different. Do not compare yourself to others. You don’t know what they’ve gone through and they don’t know your story either. You deserve that much grace and love towards yourself.

What else do you want to share? We did it

Image description: Rachael smiling while standing in front of a UMBC building. She is wearing a brown, long-sleeved top.

Positionality statement: This post is written by Rachael Joslow, a third-year and student staff at the Women’s Center. In addition to my experience growing up as an only child with a single mom, this blog will be about what a romantic relationship is and how I’ve struggled to understand what it means to have one over the years. With sharing my personal experiences, I hope this blog can be something that others can relate to and shed light on a different perspective on dating and relationships.

Something that I’ve been thinking about more often this year is my perception of relationships in a romantic sense. As I’m getting older, I start to realize how I don’t know what it means to have a partner or what it means to have a romantic relationship. It’s so normalized to find a romantic relationship in our society. Ever since I was young, it’s been ingrained in me by others in different ways that I’ll get married or “you’ll find the one when you’re older.” Even in school growing up, it’s the “high school” experience to have your first kiss, be asked out to prom, have sex, and all those personal experiences. Why does it matter to everyone so much during that time? Maybe peer pressure and all that stupid shit. 

Growing up, I was an only child in a single parent household, so it was only my mom and I! It never felt empty or like something was missing, it was just another type of household that I was more used to. With having a single mom, I experienced how I didn’t need to have both a mom and a dad in terms of emotional support, because I was surrounded by so much love and support from other family members and family friends growing up. 

As I was surrounded by a loving community, I came to understand the different types of love that you can receive and give to others. 

I recently recalled a conversation I had in 5th grade with another classmate: “oh, it would be okay if I married somebody or if I married nobody! If I do get married, the person can be a girl or a boy.” Ten years later, I am someone who experiences attraction for any gender. But now, I’ve been vehemently opposed to getting married or being in relationships. Other thoughts that come to mind are after being through relationships, I really don’t know how to be in one. I don’t know what to look for in a partner, I’m not sure how to act in one, and I also don’t know what it means to have a partner. I see what everyone else does in relationships, but I haven’t figured out what that looks like for me. I feel like I’ve also gotten to the point where I don’t have the capacity for relationships, because I recognize that it requires a lot of time and effort that I don’t have.

There’s so many unrealistic standards that we have for relationships. Everyone either broadcasts their own opinion on what a relationship should be like, or puts their relationship online, mostly showing the positive aspects. There is so much romanticization of dating online. It sets unrealistic standards and expectations on what a relationship is which results in people missing the importance of them. There have been many instances where people fall into this loophole of falling in love with the idea of a relationship or the idea of a partner. It becomes difficult to experience relationships genuinely when people are constantly sharing on social media about “if your partner doesn’t do this then… [insert bad indicator that the relationship is unhealthy]” or “here’s 10 signs that your relationship may be healthy/toxic” Constantly internalizing other people’s personal experiences and preferences creates a disillusion for what you actually want in a relationship rather than figuring out your needs and wants and what you like or dislike.

Image description: Two phones in the graphic with a pink, red, and blue background. Two hands are reaching out in the middle of the graphic.

The standards that society has for women in relationships are toxic, and often do not prioritize their well-being. Growing up, we’re conditioned with heteronormativity and taught that we have to learn how to take care of a family and partner in relationships. Ultimately, our identity becomes the caretaker, but not who we are. From previous experiences, I found myself putting my partner’s needs above my own rather than thinking how I felt. My friends noticed that I would be in this constant state of being anxious if I did something to make them upset, or assuming already that I had done something wrong. I would constantly be worrying if I upset them, and it would feel like the end of the world if that were true. There would be unrealistic standards for me to meet, and it would not be communicated with me often, so there would be this big blow up about how I have done something wrong multiple times when all the while, I hadn’t even realized it. Communication is so vital in relationships. Everyone says this, but in any relationship, friendship or romance, it is so important to talk about your needs and wants, because you don’t want a type of resentment to build overtime between you and your partner. It would be this constant cycle of undervaluing how I was feeling, and then convincing myself that things were fine when they really were not.  

I’ve now taken the time to not be in relationships, and it’s been the best decision for myself! I’ve been able to focus on my other types of relationships such as family, friends, and with myself. Focusing on myself, and learning more about who I am has been one of the best forms of love for me. Giving myself space from romantic relationships has put myself in a healthy headspace such as finding joy in the type of person I’m becoming, and pursuing my personal interests. I’ve become friends with so many wonderful people these past few years, and I truly believe they have brought out the best within myself. The friendships I’ve made have made my heart full in ways that I can’t describe. I feel that friendships are often overlooked in terms of the different types of love there are in life.

Society perceives romantic love as the ultimate form of love that you can receive and give, but that shouldn’t be the case!

I belong to the people I love, and they belong to me-they, and the love and loyalty I give them, form my identity far more than any word or group ever could.

Veronica Roth

Positionally statement: This post is written by Audrey Gatewood. I am a senior in the UMBC School of Social Work, completing my field placement at the Women’s Center. I’m writing this blog as a result of learning about reproductive technologies in my personal life, with the belief that other people may be interested too. I do not have any background in medical education, and do not have first- hand experience with reproductive technologies. This blog is written from research I’ve done for myself, prompted by my own interest in using reproductive technologies, and does not cover everyone’s experience or all possible circumstances in which reproductive technologies may be used. 

(A simplified illustration of the difference between artificial insemination, in which sperm is injected directly into the uterus, and in vitro fertilization, in which an egg is fertilized in a petri dish before being inserted into the uterus. Photo via https://www.invitra.com/ ) 

When I mention my partner and I may consider having kids, generally a beat of intrigued confusion follows. My partner and I are both women, and cannot get pregnant on our own. Even surrounded by other LGBTQ people, follow up ensues: Adoption? Intrauterine insemination? Sperm donor? 

Fertility is typically viewed as a given for people of a certain age, and parenthood as inherent in long-term heterosexual partnerships. For women in particular, fertility and motherhood are seen as defining states of being. But what about people who are infertile, who can’t get pregnant for health reasons, who want children but don’t want to be pregnant, who are older, lesbian and gay couples, and so on? Disrupting the typical image of childbearing comes with many questions of intention, method, and outcome. Particularly interesting are the medical technologies and methods that people may use to get pregnant, called artificial reproductive technology, or ART. 

Artificial reproductive technologies are innovations in healthcare that help people conceive. According to the American Center for Disease Control definition, ART includes 

“any fertility-related treatments in which eggs or embryos are manipulated. Procedures where only sperm are manipulated, such as intrauterine inseminations, are not considered under this definition (Jain and Singh, 2023).”

The most well known and common ART procedure is in vitro fertilization, or IVF, in which a sperm and an egg are combined outside of the body in a laboratory dish. Eggs are retrieved in a process called ovarian stimulation, in which a person is given hormonal fertility medications to stimulate multiple egg growth in the ovaries, instead of just one per month (Jain and Singh, 2023). This way there are more chances for the egg to be effectively fertilized and result in a pregnancy, as not every egg will fertilize, and not every fertilized egg will result in a full term pregnancy. The fertilized egg, or multiple eggs, are then transplanted into the uterus, where they may or may not attach to the uterine lining and develop into a pregnancy. 

(Illustration of the in vitro fertilization process. Photo via dreamstime.com)

In this same process, one could choose to have eggs and/or embryos frozen for future use in a process called cryopreservation (Jain and Singh, 2023). This saves the person from having to go through the process of ovarian stimulation again, as it’s a relatively involved, 1-2 week long process that requires many doctors visits and potential side effects from hormone fluctuation. Some people choose to use cryopreservation to preserve eggs before undergoing major health undertakings, like chemotherapy, to prevent eggs from being damaged, or if age is a concern, one may choose to freeze their eggs at a younger age and use them at a later time, when they are ready to be pregnant.

IVF is the most common ART in use, but there is also intrauterine insemination, or IUI. IUI is the process of inserting sperm directly into the uterus around the time of ovulation to increase the chance of fertilization (Planned Parenthood). Sperm is collected either from a partner or from a donor, “washed” in a process that collects healthy sperm and removes chemicals in the semen, and inserted via a catheter. The process is much more low- tech than IVF, less invasive, and generally takes about 5-10 minutes. But how do you get pregnant when sperm isn’t readily available? Most likely through a sperm bank, using donor sperm. 

(Illustration of the intrauterine insemination process, in which washed sperm is injected into the uterus via a catheter. Photo via Jonathan Dimes for BabyCenter)

People may choose to use donor sperm for a variety of reasons: if their/their partner’s sperm is infertile, to avoid passing down hereditary diseases, if a single woman is ready to have a kid, or if neither partner can produce sperm, like many lesbian couples, for example. People can use sperm from a friend or relative, but often sperm is coming from donors with varying levels of anonymity. Whether and to what degree a donor remains anonymous depends on the sperm bank and policies local to the state and country. Generally, though, total anonymity cannot be guaranteed to a sperm donor, particularly with the rise of consumer-level DNA testing for websites like 23AndMe or Ancestery.com. Generally, a medical history and varying levels of descriptors are provided to a person or couple looking to use donated sperm, descriptors that may include hair color, self-reported personality traits, ethnicity, personal interests/hobbies/ career, and sometimes, though not always, a photo. Sperm donors are heavily screened for infectious and hereditary disease, undergoing extensive medical questionnaires, full physical exams, and sperm analysis. Donors will also go through mental health screening and a criminal background check (UCSF Health 2020). 

ART and other related procedures like IUI come with a price. A single IVF cycle can range from $15,000 to $30,000 on average (Forbes Magazine, 2023). IUI can cost between $300 to $1,000 per session, depending on if donor sperm is used (Planned Parenthood). Neither procedure guarantees a full term pregnancy. In fact, national data from the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology reports that “the rate of live births following first-use IVF for women under the age of 35 using their own oocytes is only 37% (Center for Reproductive Rights, 2020)”. Private insurance companies may cover some or much of the procedure, and there are grants, discount programs and clinical studies that can reduce the cost  (Forbes Magazine, 2023). 

Even so, fertility treatments come with a barrier of accessibility, and may only be available to those who can afford them. IVF in particular can be burdensome for those who utilize it, not only coming at a huge financial cost, but demanding an investment of time and emotional and physical strain, causing many people to discontinue using it after an unsuccessful first attempt. 

IUI faces a much lower barrier of accessibility, but is not an option for everyone in need of fertility assistance. In addition to being financially inaccessible for many, infertility or using ART can come with a stigma, one which typically affects women. Deviance from the typical fertility narrative challenges the societal expectation of women as inherently mothers, and of the normative family dynamic of a married man and woman having children ‘naturally.’ Women using ART due to fertility issues may experience social stigma, personal shame, and anxiety or depression (Center for Reproductive Rights, 2020). Despite the fact that male-factor infertility accounts for 50% of clinical cases, women tend to receive the brunt of this stigma. For lesbian couples using IUI, stigma can follow the couple through their whole lives as a family, as the rules of a normative family structure are broken when a man is removed from the equation, and when pregnancy is achieved in a non-normative way. 

 There isn’t much representation of lesbian moms. Even surrounded by my sizable LGBTQ community, in a “progressive” city, I haven’t had many examples of what parenting as a lesbain couple could look like. Sometimes I find myself wondering, if I had a kid, what their experience would be like having two moms? Will it be a huge difference from how I grew up? How would our family be treated by others? Will they be asked invasive questions about their birth? How much would they look like the sperm donor? What if they got in touch with the sperm donor when they were older, and what would that mean?

 Regardless of these questions, I’m grateful that reproductive technologies exist, and hope to see barriers to access removed. The future potential for growth, not only in the technological aspect, but in the regulation and accessibility of consumer use of fertility treatments, and of societal understanding, points to ongoing questions about medical technology, genetics, parenthood and more. 

Reference 

Center for Reproductive Rights. (2020).  Infertility and IVF access in the United States. 

Forbes Magazine. (2023, March 7th). How much does IVF cost?. Forbes. 

Jain, Meaghan; Singh, Manvinder. (January 2023)  Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) techniques. National Center for Biotechnology Information.

Planned Parenthood. What is intrauterine insemination (IUI)? 

UCSF Health. (2020, October 7). Donor sperm insemination. ucsfhealth.org.