ASHA remains an independent, unbiased source of information on sexual health. We are guided by science, not ideology. READ MORE.
ASHA remains an independent, unbiased source of information on sexual health. We are guided by science, not ideology. READ MORE.
“Imagine going to a restaurant where the chef served you whatever he or she felt like fixing instead of giving you a choice. Imagine a gardener who never asked, ‘How do you like your bushes trimmed?’ Yet when it comes to sex many of us assume that we know what our partner wants, or we clam up instead of giving feedback.”
—Paul Joannides, Psy.D., The Guide to Getting It On (6th ed.)
It is perfectly okay to keep some things private, especially fantasies that you enjoy on your own and do not care to share with someone else. But in any relationship, whether for one night or many years, there are things about which you do need to communicate. Talking about sex openly makes for relationships that are more fun and satisfying.
You can’t expect a partner to know what you like unless you tell them. People sometimes think that if their partner really loved them or cared about them the other person would do exactly what they wanted. But none of us is a mind reader! No two people want the same things, have the same fantasies, or want to be touched in the same ways.
Remember that whether you feel physical pleasure in response to something a partner does is not an indicator of their “skill” as a lover. What a previous partner liked may not be what gets you off, since each of us is different.
Type of relationship that you want: Committed or non-committed? Friendly or romantic? Sexual or non-sexual? Monogamous or non-monogamous?
STI status: When were you last tested for STIs, and what were the results? Which STIs were you tested for? Not tested for? How many sexual partners have you had since your last round of testing? What were the STI statuses of those partners? What is your history of STI infection?
Birth control: Are you currently using birth control? Are you open to the possibility of pregnancy? What birth control precautions do you want to use?
Safer sex precautions: What barriers do you want to use? What kind of sexual activities are you willing to enjoy without barriers?
Sexual pleasure: What kind of touch feels good to you? Where are the places that you especially enjoy being touched? How do you want to be touched, caressed, kissed, and/or held? The more you explore and know your own body through masturbation, the clearer you can be about what kind of touch you enjoy.
Sexual desires: What are sexual activities you know you like and want to do? Ones you have never done but think you might like to try? Ones you might be willing to try? Do you have fantasies you would like to talk about, role play (pretend to act out), or act out?
Sexual boundaries: What are the sexual activities or fantasies you are not willing to explore? Are there places on your body that you do not want to be touched? Make a Yes-No-Maybe chart: Off by yourself, make a list of the things you like to do (Yes!), are not open to trying or don’t want to try again (No!), and things you might like to consider doing (Maybe!). Then get together and share your lists. You might both find some happy surprises!
Communication is necessary throughout a relationship, from the very beginning to the very end. No matter how long you and your partner have been together, you will need to keep communicating about your sexual expectations, desires and needs, as you will both change and grow over your lifetime and as the relationship changes.
When a relationship is new, we may be nervous to share intimate sexual details because we want this new person to like us. As the relationship develops, we may be hesitant to give feedback in case we hurt a partner’s feelings. Perhaps we assume our interests are not supposed to change, but remember that what you liked ten years ago, a month ago, or even five minutes ago may not feel good now!
Though talking about sex can feel a little scary, it can also be incredibly sexy, even if you both have your clothes on. Many people find that when they get up the nerve to talk about sex, their partner really appreciates it. Most likely they’ve been trying to work up the nerve, too! Many respect a partner even more once they’ve brought up the topic of sex. It is ok to be nervous–that lets you know that what you are doing is both important to you and also exciting. See if you can enjoy the nervousness–the butterflies! The nervousness might even be a turn on!
Remember though—it is a good idea to talk about any sexual subject before you get all hot and bothered, but this is especially important for topics which require logical thinking skills, like safer sex expectations. Remember, most of us don’t act rationally in the heat of the moment. Think about your boundaries ahead of time, and discuss them with a partner when you are not currently in a sexual mood. If you are turned on and in bed (or the kitchen or the back seat of the car!), you are less likely to make the decision to use a condom or another barrier if your partner has a different agenda. Having the conversation before you are in a sexual situation makes it more likely you will be able to act according to your own boundaries and preferences.
Other conversations are great fun to have while you are turned on and may even enhance the sexual experience. Telling someone how great it feels when they touch you in that certain spot or in that certain way…or what you want them to do with you (especially if it is something you already know they enjoy)…sharing a sexual fantasy you think they’d like… these are all great things to talk about, and they can make a hot experience even steamier.
This video from Planned Parenthood offers helpful tips for telling a sexual partner about an STI diagnosis.
HPV-Related Head and Neck Cancer https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3L9YWj7uyWs You have probably heard that HPV can cause cervical cancer. But did you know that it can also cause cancers of the mouth, tongue, and throat? These cancers—sometimes called head and neck cancer or oropharyngeal cancer—often appear years or
There’s new research to suggest that the birth control pill can protect female athletes from ACL tears which is one of the most common knee injuries. While this may sound far-fetched, the science behind it is very interesting.
The FDA just approved a new, fully at-home test for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and trichomoniasis. The tests, which is only for women, will be available without a prescription. Users can collect their own sample and have results in less than 30 minutes.
A new study of more than 200,000 women found that women who had ever taken the pill had a 26% lower risk of ovarian cancer.
Does your child feel it’s okay to talk with you about sex and sexual health? If not, have you thought about who will answer your child’s questions? Only you can tell your child that it’s okay to ask you questions. You want to become askable!
Many methods of birth control that are available today rely on hormones like those that our bodies make naturally. Hormonal methods come in many different forms—from pills to patches to shots—but all of them essentially work the same way.
Our reproductive health is an important part of our sexual health and our overall health. It includes our reproductive organs and our ability to get pregnant or get someone pregnant when we choose.
Anyone who is having penis-in-vagina sex runs the risk of getting pregnant every time they have sex. Even if it’s your first time. Even if you have your period. Even if it’s a full moon and Mercury is in retrograde.
ASHA believes that all people have the right to the information and services that will help them to have optimum sexual health. We envision a time when stigma is no longer associated with sexual health and our nation is united in its belief that sexuality is a normal, healthy, and positive aspect of human life.
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