As the fall semester has gone into full swing, students eagerly await to begin their classes for Fall 2015. They can’t wait to get their hands on every single piece of extra credit and super-extra credit that teachers throw their way. They want to be able to pull those all-nighters on writing an essay they know nothing about- but waste all their time going to Late Night. They want all the stress to come crashing down on them, knowing that slight bell curves will help them barely scrape that C. But there’s one student who will take the reigns of having-too-much-work and actually get it done not half-assedly. George McNutty is one star pupil in his high school located in the tree by Erikson.
Students have been preparing for the fall semester all summer by buying unnecessary shit for their dorms. Not Mr. McNutty. He spent the summer fighting for admission into our lovely school. McNutty claims he has exceptional grades and is part of his school’s SSGA as well as many other clubs. If he had all the great workings of a great student at a high-esteemed school such as UMBC, then why wasn’t he admitted?
“Maybe it was because he’s a goddamn squirrel,” exclaims his mother in a recent interview. She believes that her son was discriminated against due to the fact that he was an adorable little critter. She was also exasperated at the fact that someone couldn’t look into his tiny squirrel eyes and not say no.
George McNutty has begun a group within the squirrel community dedicated to squirrel rights in the human world. He hopes to make affirmative action open to all animals- not just squirrels. So far, “a-fur-mative action” (McNutty’s social justice group) has not taken any legal steps, but is in the process of appealing to Supreme Court.In another private interview, McNutty was not able to be deciphered on his account of him being a squirrel.