This past weekend saw the beginning of UMBC's annual Homecoming festivities. “Mediocre Comedian”, “Mixtape Dropping on Erickson Field”, and “Most Depressing Rave Ever” were only a few of the many exciting activities that transpired across the beautiful atmosphere of UMBC in October. Additionally, UMBC students enjoyed a wonderfully-decorated campus, primarily consisting of 100 or so colored triangles randomly strewn about Academic Row. But somehow, all events and activities saw an unusual recurring guest-- a gargantuan, humanoid Chesapeake Bay Golden Retriever.
Going by the John Wayne-inspired name “True Grit”, the Retriever managed to make at least a brief appearance at nearly every homecoming event. “Who the hell does he think he is?” asks sophomore biochemistry major Stephanie Johnson. “Bounding around like he owns the place. I heard he's been a 'super senior' for literally like fifty years.” In the words of chemistry professor Terry Plumber, “That cocky motherfucker better wipe the grin off his goddamn mouth before he gets what's coming for him.”
Several anonymous students described Grit as a “Chatty Cathy” who spends more time spreading gossip than focusing on classes, or much of anything else, for that matter. However, as we tried to reach Grit for comment, it would appear that he or she can only communicate by holding out his or her right arm and requesting a high-five.