Thanksgiving has always been a holiday filled with thanks and uh… giving. Many see it as a holiday where you’re thankful for all the wonderful things in your life and where you want to show your appreciation with all of your family-- whom you may or may not even be thankful for. Others hiss and yell as they believe Thanksgiving is a glorified celebration of invading the Americas and killing all of its previous inhabitants. “No more of this nonsense,” says the Board of Holiday Makers (or BHM). When they first invented Thanksgiving, it was originally a holiday of sacrificing Turkeys to the Holiday Gods so that the Christmas peppermint, presents, and profit would be plentiful.
The Board was distraught when they saw all the Christmas decorations hung the day after Halloween. They had planned out the storefront displays for Turkey Day and all of its ritualistic materials, but all the designing was all for naught as consumers just wanted to see jolly Santa inflatables and shimmery plastic trees. BHM went to work as they redesigned what Thanksgiving truly meant to the American people. Thanksgiving has far too long been about being with your friends and family and consuming a 25 pound turkey along with stuffed stuffing and potatoes that are mashed. They decided that the American people aren’t spending enough money.
Luckily, this Thanksgiving, the Board of Holiday Makers brings to you TurkeyWare™, bringing you only the best in turkeys and turkey accessories. TurkeyWare™ not only is a new company that will bring you all the materials you need for a perfect Thanksgiving, it is an association that will outline and update all the things you need to have and do before your turkey dinner. Here are a few guidelines you should follow:
All households serving Thanksgiving dinner must have official TurkeyWare™ turkeys. They are specially grown and battle-ready for your Thanksgiving needs. Now turkeys born with stuffing! Get yours now before they run out.
All households serving Thanksgiving dinner must have an emergency turkey. If your emergency turkey doesn’t have an emergency turkey, you’re not having a real Thanksgiving.
All households serving Thanksgiving must have a real cornucopia. These are only found in the TurkeyWare™ section of your local Wal-Mart that is exactly one hour from your house.
All households serving Thanksgiving dinners must not use normal diningware. Turkey dinner must be eaten on TurkeyWare™ware.
The Board of Holiday Makers have left no expense behind. They also released a statement: “Failure to comply to Thanksgiving rules will result in a visit from TurkeyWare™ officials and will be dealt with accordingly. Let’s just say you shouldn’t order the turkey with surprise stuffing.”Thanksgiving is going to be a blast this year and years to come, thanks to BHM. Check out all the other guidelines you and your family should follow at the official TurkeyWare™ website.