Look, we all know the “Central” “Intelligence” “Agency” played a key role in the Kennedy assassination and conducted the infamous MK Ultra mind control experiments. At this point, these are less conspiracy theories and more political lessons on the distribution of power within the United States government. But perhaps it’s time to ask a few more questions. If these guys are faking the moon landing and murdering presidents, what else could they be up to? Does the CIA hold mysterious supernatural powers beyond that of human comprehension? Are they in a secret alliance with a legion of mysterious satanic demons? Probably not, but at this point I wouldn’t even be mildly shocked.
It doesn’t take a secret agent to notice that the weather has been very suspicious lately. Just a few weeks ago we were enjoying sunny, 70 degree afternoons in the middle of February. Global Warming? Or is this the doing of the infamous CIA? It’s not outside the realm of possibility that the CIA has been developing machinery capable of controlling the weather. A device like this would likely work by changing atmospheric composition, influencing geothermal currents, distorting vapor pressure, or whatever earth science mumbo jumbo. What would the CIA want with such a device? Well, maybe for warfare and perhaps to appease our supreme alien reptilian overlords, but most likely just for shits and giggles. Regardless of the motive, the CIA would probably hide the device at one of their facilities in Langley. Of course, this implies that they would want to test the device on an area close to Virginia, but far enough away so as to ensure that their tampering doesn’t accidentally ignite the local atmosphere. This makes Maryland a perfect candidate, with our already erratic and unpredictable weather patterns forming the perfect cover-up.
We sent an MBC News correspondent to investigate last week, but they threw me out after I kept asking for agent Cody Banks. Also, we tried to tap their private phone lines but the connection was slow due to simultaneous tapping from the NSA, FBI and at least twelve foreign investigation agencies. So it looks like we’ll have a bit of trouble finding real evidence for the existence of this weather control device. But hey, we can’t prove the existence of gravitons, and yet I don’t see anyone floating in mid air.