The writers of MBC News, UMBC’s official satirical news source, awoke to a surprise on Sunday, April 1st when they saw their myUMBC feeds were filled with an unnecessary amount of satirical articles coming from none other than The Retriever, the so-called “official student newspaper.” The organization takes pride in providing only the best and most current stories to the UMBC community, but tried to mix things up this year by attempting to be funny. However, MBC News (originally named “Hey You! MBC News), founded in 1964, has always been the #1 source of all satirical shenanigans at UMBC, winning the National Collegiate Satire Organization award for their work in 2017.
The MBC News writers were furious that The Retriever had copied their patented writing style, and immediately contacted their Editor-in-Chief, as well as the UMBC President of Student Affairs. The issue will be taken to court next month, with MBC looking to sue The Retriever for up to $650,000 for copyright infringement as well as plagiarism.
“We should’ve seen this coming,” said MBC News Editor-in-Chief Your Aunt, “The Retriever likes to think they hold a complete monopoly over the school news-wise, but we’ve gotten more likes on our top two articles on myUMBC than all of theirs combined. We knew they would try to get their salty revenge somehow.”
“The articles they came up with are the exact kind of shit we would have written,” exclaims Doctor Ector, angsty writer at MBC, “I mean come on, just look at some of these... ‘UMBC Parking Officially Becomes a Blood Sport?’ ‘UMBC Club Sports Should Fight MMA Tournament Style for Funds??’ Take a look at our home page and tell me we haven’t written about these exact things before. They knew damn well what they were doing; all they had to do was gaze upon our masterpieces.”
“Satire is an art,” said Emmanem, author of this article. “Before us, quality satire didn’t even exist. The Onion came to us for ideas. No other university has ever attempted to do what we do, let alone succeed. The Retriever should just stay in their lane and stick to what they know: meaningless fluff and depression.”