As the semester slowly grinds to a start students have begun to notice that the much anticipated accessibility ramp between Academic Row and the ruins of the Quad is a bit more stairlike than originally anticipated. In fact, some are saying it is quite a bit more stairlike.

It’s a staircase.

This has led people with mobility concerns and people who care about people with mobility concerns to demand answers from campus administration. Which in turn has responded by unveiling a bold new accessibility plan.

A statement released by the university about their new plan described it as a “first of its kind, convenient high speed accessibility slingshot.” It goes on to explain how, when completed, the slingshot will stand 15 to 20 feet high. This all depending on how much rebar they can scrape together. This new service will provide service from the Quad to many high-demand parts of campus; including the Library Pond, the sad remains of Flat Tuesday’s, and the other side of Quad.

This, like most next level web 2.0 innovations, has led to some critique. These critiques have been taken to heart by UMBC Accessibility Coordinator Froseph Yoseph as he explained when we sat down with him for his take.

“Some say that this is ‘recklessly dangerous’ and puts particularly disadvantaged students at risk of ‘gross bodily harm’, but to that I say: Who cares? We already have their money.”

-Doctor Ector