Last Friday the SGA informed student organizations that they had, in fact, completely run out of money. This means that any requests for money made to the Finance Board that had not already been approved could no longer be approved, making countless end of the year parties and group events impossible.
Anticipating pushback, the SGA made sure to clarify where that money had gone. This included a coffee shop in Arbutus that will not be opening, stationary for drafting strongly written letters to administration, stationary for writing apologies for strongly written letters to administration, apology cakes for administrators who were offended by the initial letters, some “personal development” workshops no one went to, and an iguana fursuit, size medium.
This understandably upset just about everyone, so our intrepid MBC News reporters went straight to the SGA office to investigate. We were met by an SGA spokesman blocking the door to the office, seemingly trying to act casual while several SGA officers ran around frantically behind him.
“There’s nothing to worry about.” He assured us.
Behind him, one individual was seen yelling into a telephone “Can we allocate negative money to the Retriever? Are you sure? Well, do it anyway!”
“You really do not need to be sticking around for anything, because nothing is going on.” The spokesman casually stepped back into the office and slowly closed the door.
Before it closed someone could be heard exclaiming “Alright, alright! If we repossess the theatre orgs we should have just enough to give ourselves another raise!” Followed by cheering.
At press time the SGA confirmed that they do still plan to spend $20,000 on a center for civic something or other that no one has ever even heard of.