This post was anonymously written by a fellow student at UMBC and posted by the Women’s Center.

Content Disclaimer: This blog post will discuss immigration policies along with my personal experience as an undocumented/DACA student. The content and images shared may be triggering to those that have or are currently being affected by these immigration policies. 

I first learned about my residency status when I was in high school completing the SAT registration form. One of the questions that stood out to me was “Are you a U.S. citizen?” I thought to myself, “well I was not born here, but I live in the U.S now. This is my home…so yes! I am a U.S. citizen.” I remember looking over my shoulder to see what my friends had selected and confirmed that my answer was “correct.” I quickly found out that same year, that I was indeed NOT a U.S. citizen. As a matter of fact, I did not belong under any of the available citizen “options.” As I reflect on my high school senior year, it was one of the most heartbreaking seasons of my life. I was not able to get a part-time job, my driver’s license and the most devastating of all was not being able to afford to go to college.

[Image Description: A GIF with a purple background with moving lettering going up and down that changes color from white to orange and pink to green. The text reads “NO HUMAN IS ILLEGAL”.]

Growing up in a low-income household, I have always had to work twice as hard to “get ahead”. However, I had no idea of these other limitations and restrictions that were placed on me. As an undocumented student, I did not qualify for any financial aid or any scholarships that require a U.S Citizenship or permanent residency status as most do. It seemed as though all of my efforts and experiences over the years had all been in vain as there were no signs of a secure future for me in sight. 

It wasn’t until June 15th, 2012 that the Obama Administration announced the initiation of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals or DACA. This program gave undocumented individuals who came to the United States at a young age deferment from deportation. The age qualification is under the age of 31 as of June 15, 2012, and came to the U.S before turning 16th years of age. This would give a “lawful present” status in the United States while under this program. This program also granted those who were approved an employment authorization to work in the United States. However, a person’s acceptance is not permanent as eligible applicants must apply every two years to remain in the program. There is also the financial barrier of paying $495 and sending all documentation at least 3 months in advance of the expiration date. Not to mention the lawyer fees and any additional cost to send the applications.

[Image Description: illustration by Julio Salgado. Text at the top reads “MY PARENTS ARE COURAGEOUS AND RESPONSIBLE. THAT’S WHY I AM HERE!”. The illustration shows two parents with their two young children.]

The implications of this program changed everything for me. This meant that I could finally work a job, which also meant I could provide for myself, my family, and attend college! However, this was still a very faint light at the end of the tunnel as this program has constantly been under attack since its inception. There also lay many other struggles and barriers ahead in my educational journey. As I began, I was a part-time student for many years while working full-time to provide for my own needs, as well as for my family. 

In addition, I have had to submit multiple documents throughout the years to be approved for in-state tuition while at community college and even until this day at UMBC ($12,028 in-state vs. $27,662 for out-of-state tuition). In total, it took a little over six years for me to complete my associate’s degree. After graduating in 2018, I had no idea how I was going to attend a four-year university. This initially meant working more hours to pay double the tuition and the expenses of attending a university. Luckily, I have benefited from multiple scholarships at UMBC that have enabled me to go to school without having to worry so much about making full tuition payments. Now as a senior, I reflect on my years as an undergraduate student at UMBC and cannot forget about those who have paved the way for me to get here.

[Imagine Description: Illustration with bold white lettering that reads: “No Longer Interested in Convincing YOU OF MY HUMANITY”. There is a blue graduation cap at the bottom of the illustration. Illustration by Julio Salgado.]

Dreamers

Before any policy was ever passed, many before me advocated on behalf of the roughly 454,000 undocumented students in America today. For instance, In 2013 nine young undocumented activists known as The Dream 9 “self-deported” themselves to bring attention to the struggles of undocumented students. As a form of protest, they walked with their graduation caps and gowns to the U.S. border to seek out asylum. In doing this, they risked never being able to return to the U.S., the country they had called home since childhood. They were then apprehended at the border and placed in an immigration detention facility. This led to the arrest of many other young immigrant activists at the U.S. Capitol while in their caps and gowns during the first Dream Act hearings, which failed to pass through the Senate in 2010. Their activism and bravery would continue the immigration movement across the nation for many years to come.

[Image Description:  Two young immigrant activists, one wearing a blue graduation cap and gown and the other wearing a black graduation cap and gown, being arrested by Capitol Police officers At the U.S. Capitol during the Dream Act hearings.]

Now with the passing of the Dream Act, what was once a “dream” is a reality for many undocumented students because of their sacrifice. However, there is much that still needs to be done through congress and much that can be done within universities to better assist undocumented students today.

Supporting Undocumented and DACA Students

There are more than 450,000 undocumented students in higher education institutions across the country and 216,000 DACA recipient students pursuing post-secondary education. Undocumented students are diverse, coming from different countries, cultures, and nationalities. In the state of Maryland, there are about 16,000 undocumented college students, placing the state as the 7th highest undocumented student population in the country. There are many concerns among undocumented and DACA students due to the unclear and unstable policies at the federal, state, and local levels. The lack of resources, the constant fear of potential deportation, and the safety of oneself and their family contribute to a constant concern for safety, mental and physical health. The following are recommendations to continue to improve a more inclusive campus environment for undocumented and DACA students. While UMBC may be already following some of these recommendations, these recommendations are opportunities for higher education institutions at large to do and be better:

• Opening more financial assistance to undocumented and DACA students through direct financial support in opportunities for on-campus employment and scholarships. Identify and intentionally advertise financial opportunities that are inclusive of undocumented and DACA students.
• Evaluate admission application language or other official institution documents that use racist and dehumanizing terminology such as “illegal” or “alien” students. This applies in the classrooms and student organizations as well. These terms are often used in federal and state policy and can be found on different government documents. This is something simple that can and should be changed as referring to a student as an alien is hurtful and unwelcoming. 
• Stopping the misclassification of undocumented and DACA students as international students. When I first enrolled in college, I was misguided and placed as an international student. I was required by the institution to submit the wrong documentation which ultimately delayed my entry into school. 
• Publicly denying the presence of ICE (U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement) agents on campus and refusing to share any personal information about undocumented students. Many states and federal government institutions have broken the trust of the immigrant community by sharing their addresses and immigration statuses with ICE. 
• Create best practices for outreach to undocumented/DACA students at recruitment events (virtually/person). Do not expect students to share their immigration statuses, especially in a public facility or forum. Create financial aid workshops or recruitment events for these students that discuss FAFSA as well as the MSFAA (Maryland State Financial Aid Application). Undocumented and DACA students have the opportunity to apply for some state financial assistance.
• Invest in providing a welcoming and inclusive campus environment through administrative trainings and hiring diverse staff/faculty members who hold different social identities and immigration statuses with experience working with undocumented and DACA students. In addition, institutions can partner with local organizations for off-campus support (legal assistance or housing assistance).
• When engaging with stakeholders at federal, state, and local levels, advocate for the implementation of policies that will protect undocumented and DACA students. Review current campus policies that directly impact immigrants students on campus. Are these policies excluding undocumented and DACA students? Do these policies directly place undocumented and DACA students at-risk? Is all programming available to all students including undocumented and DACA students? 
• Be mindful that undocumented and DACA students have experienced many traumatic situations since childhood such as poverty and homelessness. Many have been separated from parents, siblings, and other family members. Many also live in constant fear for their safety as well as their family’s safety. All have had to assimilate to a completely new environment and have experienced discrimination at school and other public places. Lastly, many have and continue to endure bullying and microaggressions from peers, colleagues, and other students.

[Image Description: Illustration of five individuals with different ethnicities and races. The text at the top reads “Despite the pain, tears, criminalization, erasure, and heartache, WE EXIST!”. They are standing tall over a small border wall with a text that reads “Bigger than any BORDER ”. Illustration by Julio Salgado.]

The Fight Continues 

I am expected to graduate this upcoming May of 2021. It will officially be an eight-year-long academic journey in pursuing a bachelor’s degree. As a first-generation college student, Latinx Womxn, adult learner, and DACA recipient, I can’t help but feel so much joy and fear all at the same time. I am currently in the process of applying for a master’s degree and I am going through the same emotions I felt when I started my journey eight years ago. The uncertainty of paying for higher learning and the fear of the unknown is all too real for me and as well as many other undocumented students. Nevertheless, I believe in the spirit of each undocumented/DACA student to persevere, just as we always have, as our fight for social justice and inclusivity continues.

[Image Description: A GIF with a black background. There is a big red location pin that pops up with writing on it that reads “HERE TO STAY” as the pin inflates from the bottom of the graphic.]

To the Dream 9-Luis León, Claudia Amaro, Ceferino Santiago, Lizbeth Mateo, Lulu Martínez, María Inés Peniche, Marco Saavedra, Adriana Díaz, Mario Félix–Thank you for your sacrifice and for advocating on behalf of many undocumented immigrants in this country. And thank you to the many more allies and activist around the nation supporting the protection of immigrant rights in the U.S. I see you, I believe, and you are not alone.

Resources Available at UMBC and The Universities at Shady Grove

• Attending UMBC as an Undocumented Student
• Resources for Undocumented and Immigrant Students and Community Members
• MSFAA for Undocumented Students
• Immigration Resources at the USG Campus located in Rockville, Maryland
• Financial Undocumented Student Resources 
• Retriever Immigrants United (RIU): The Mosaic, Interfaith, and Pride Centers as an ongoing discussion and support group self-identified immigrant students, as well as staff, faculty, and alumni. For more information contact Carlos Turcios, Coordinator for Student Diversity and Inclusion.

Undocumented Artists to Follow

• http://yosimarreyes.com/videos 
• https://soniaguinansaca.com/video-audio 
• http://www.alanpelaez.com/writing-2/ 
• https://www.juliosalgadoart.com/gallery/ 
• https://joseantoniovargas.com/about/ 
• https://www.kemibello.com/about 
• https://www.instagram.com/browngirljoy/?hl=en (Amritpal Kaur)

References

• UWD #HereToStay Toolkit for Educators
• How Colleges and Universities Can Support DACA and Undocumented Students
• Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals: A timeline
• ‘Dreamers’ aren’t just coming from Latin America
• Removing Barries to Higher Education for Undocumented Students
• College Guide for Undocumented Students
• Undocumented Activists Take a Giant Risk To Return Home

This winter, Hulu broke opening-weekend streaming records with Happiest Season, the first holiday rom-com from a major studio to center a same-sex couple. If you’re one of the many who saw the film and want to seek out more queer representation in film and television, GWST 321 is for you!

In Queer Representation in Film and TV, we’ll watch and read about some of the most noteworthy films and shows featuring queer characters and stories. We’ll catch some of the firsts, some of the greats, and even some…not-so-greats. In a quick online winter session, you’ll complete a full 3-credit GWST course, pick up an Arts and Humanities GEP, expand your knowledge of film and TV with queer elements, and hone your analysis skills. Check it out at: https://highpoint-prd.ps.umbc.edu/app/catalog/classsection/UMBC1/2210/1207

Hello Women of Color Community! 

We wanted to adjust our virtual biweekly meeting times so that we can continue connecting and build community with one another. Below is a poll of different meeting times for our Women of Color Community so that we can have discussion group at a time that works best for you! 

Please rank the proposed times only if you identify as a woman of color. 

Amelia Meman, GWST ’15, is the Assistant Director of the Women’s Center. Amelia uses they/them and she/her pronouns.

Burnt out? Me too.

This is not a new feeling for me. I have gotten to this same point during other parts of my academic and now professional career. This apex where I thought that if I was able to give it enough gas, stomp on the accelerator, and shut my eyes I could sail across the swiftly oncoming ravine. 

This is how I would like to navigate burnout. Goodbye, plebeian worries!
[Image description: a GIF from the movie Grease wherein main characters Sandy and Danny drive off into the sky in a red convertible. Sandy turns back to wave goodbye to the crowd.]

Let me tell you… I’ve never been able to sail over the ravine.

This is me. [Image description: a GIF of a small green car spinning out and finally falling off a small cliff.]

Burn out is unavoidable sometimes. Especially when we do not give ourselves the time and space to feel what we need to feel. It can come along for anyone doing anything. Maybe you don’t have the best apartment for experiencing alone time. Maybe you have way too many things going on between teaching your kids and managing online classes.

In my case, I just work. I work and work and work. My ridiculous proclivity for work inspired Rihanna’s classic. No joke! (I’m lying.)

I work because I really love my job and I feel a great sense of joy from having a purpose. I also work, because it’s my way of exerting control–and when you’re in a pandemic that has no end in sight, you crave a sense of control. So for this latest trip to Burnout Town, I have pushed aside my feelings and any sense of personal boundaries, so that I could focus on getting tasks and projects finished. 

I’m going to be using this ongoing metaphor of traveling on a road trip, so back to me in my car on a cliff: I pushed my car to its zenith mechanically and I also got a little (or maybe a lot) lost. The road was bumpy and dust was flying everywhere. The steering wheel was vibrating and I don’t remember when I last refueled, but all I wanted to do was get out of the rough patch we call Burnout Town by rocketing over the oncoming gulch. 

And now here I am, relating to you how to navigate Burnout Town, because I’m here now and it’s as crummy as the reviews it’s received on Yelp. 

Maybe you’re predisposed to burnout?

Before I get into the roadmap, this wouldn’t be a Women’s Center blog if I didn’t also mention how identity connects to burnout. Recently, I attended a presentation about the impact of COVID-19 on women in higher education. Needless to say, the numbers are fairly depressing, but they’re important to witness, because there is a sharp divide along gender lines and along racial lines (and disability lines and class lines, etc.).

The people who are doing both their professional work and family work are most often women. The people who feel most exhausted/overwhelmed are most often women. The people who are, in addition to working or searching for work, looking after children or elderly family members are, you guessed it, most often women. 

Ultimately, women are predisposed to burn out. 

And people with other marginalized identities are similarly situated. For example, women might bear the weight of stressors disproportionately to men, but when we dissect groups of women by race, we see that stressors are also disproportionately carried by women of color–especially Black women. 

Some might recall Sheryl Sandberg’s pop feminist concept of “lean in,” wherein, if you are a powerful woman at the top of your game, the feminist thing to do is to lean in and empower the other women around you rather than succumbing to the whitecisheterocapitalist competitive individuality that is typically ingrained in our definitions of success. What isn’t talked about is how white women frequently lean ON women of color for their social, emotional support. 

I appreciate what Loretta Ross said when she spoke out against racist/sexist stereotypes via the Women’s Center’s Telling Our Stories campaign; she said, “I am not your Tit,” which is to say: “I am not the person you can come to when you need to be nurtured, babied, supported unconditionally,” because as a Black woman, Loretta Ross doesn’t owe anyone that access to her energy, body, and psyche. Especially considering the long history of Black women being exploited as caretakers and caricatured as such (see “I am not your nice Mammy” by Cheryl Thomson).

Loretta Ross’s Telling Our Stories poster. [Image description: a graphic poster in yellow and navy blue. Top text reads “Women of Color: Telling Our Stories.” Below a cut out image of a Black woman wearing a bright red dress and red patterned vest is smiling. Next to her image reads, “My name is Loretta and I’m not your Tit.”]

It’s not just annoyance or an unwillingness to get things done that makes stress such an issue for women and other minoritized folks: it’s really that consistently high levels of stress are deadly.

Stress is killing marginalized people

First, I should name that I am operating from the assumption that those with target identities face more stress than those with agent identities. The sociological concept that I am referring to here is called “minority stress theory,” which posits that minorities experience heightened amounts of stressors by virtue of living in a systemically oppressive society.

When we think about stress and where it lives in the body, I think many folks would locate stress in our minds. Stress, for us, is that little (or big) voice that tugs at your mind saying, “Hey, loser. Heads up: you have a huge project due tomorrow, you need to buy groceries, and all of your pandemic plants are dying!” In reality, though, everything is connected and stress manifests throughout a body. When we take in stressful inputs, or “stressors,” we might be thinking about a lot of things but we also might feel our heart rate go up, our breath catch more often, or our insomnia gets the best of us. Stressors impacting a body might also cause our necks and shoulders to get stiff with tension, as well as strengthen the headache making its way around your skull. 

Ultimately, stress has inextricably holistic effects and at high, prolonged levels, the effects of stress add up. In a 2007 article on the connections between racial bias and health outcomes, a team of scholars (Ahmed, Mohammed, and Williams) synthesized the many patterns and trends to form the conclusion that bias is not just a social and political issue, but a public health issue. This is an excerpt from the Ahmed, et al. paper that outlines the pathways from racial bias incident to adverse health outcomes (the figure below visualizes this relationship):

Allostasis is the body’s ability to maintain homeostasis and to adapt to stressful events by appropriately activating the neuroendocrine, autonomic, and immune systems, and then to return to the basal state when the stressful event is past. While allostasis is adaptive in the short term, the cumulative burden of cycles of allostasis in response to repeated or chronic stress can be damaging and lead to multiple disease states. The concept of “allostatic load” refers to the cumulative wear and tear that the body experiences on these multiple regulatory systems as a result of repeated cycles of allostasis as well as the inefficient regulation of these cycles… High allostatic load is associated with the metabolic syndrome, and predicts mortality, cardiovascular disease incidence, and decline in cognitive and physical function.

Williams, D. R., & Mohammed, S. A. (2009). Discrimination and Racial Disparities in Health: Evidence and Needed Research. Journal of Behavioral Medicine , 32, 20-47.

I don’t share this information with the intention of being a harbinger of death nor am I trying to scare everyone into therapy. I talk about this stuff because it not only puts into perspective the vast importance of mental health and wellbeing but also the ways in which oppression impacts a body at a biological level. Burnout and stress and anxiety and depression are social justice issues, because we live in a socially unjust world–so in doing this critical social justice work, we need to continue to center the oppressed and bring an intentional, critical awareness to the fact that being well and surviving burnout hinges on being able to survive constant systemic violence.

Roadmap through Burnout Town

Okay, so enough with my TED Talk, you’ve reached the point where we can roll up our sleeves and return to this grand road trip metaphor I teased at the beginning of this blog. Let’s put the pedal to the metal… or… actually…

STEP 1: Notice where you are, how you are feeling

I didn’t know I was going to rely so heavily on John Travolta for this blog, but here we are. [Image description: a GIF of John Travolta a la Pulp Fiction looking around as if he is lost. He is superimposed over a browser window that reads, “Unable to connect to the Internet.]

Burnout, for me, often exists in tension with my own sense of perfectionism and anxiety. This is to the point that I often don’t notice how I’m feeling until I’m crashing. You might do this, too: At noon, I promise myself that if I just get my inbox down to zero, I’ll be able to get up from my computer and eat my lunch. Cut to 3:58 pm where I am bent over my keyboard and finalizing the last reply to an email and feeling mighty resentful that I have a meeting from 4 to 5, and my lunch is still in the office fridge.

It’s really hard to know when to stop. 

Beyond the fact that we live in a Western, capitalist society that places value in the white knuckle pluck it takes to do the impossible–we’re just not always tuned into our bodies. That’s why this first step is the hardest because we have to learn what burnout feels like in our bodies and when to take notice. 

I am by no means perfect at this, but some things that have helped me come into a more compassionate awareness of my body and my feelings are things like mindfulness and grounding activities. I’m particularly fond of the “body scan,” which asks you to check in with each part of your body to see how you’re doing.

There are a lot of grounding techniques and they’re all a little bit different, so if you haven’t found the one that resonates with you, fear not. Experiment and enjoy the process of finding what works for you.

STEP 2: Pull off the road and put the car in park

This is me. [Image description: a GIF of a child getting frustrated and repeatedly asking a person moving around in front of them to stop.]

Okay, so you’ve identified that something feels wrong and you’ve stopped your car. AWESOME! I mean, not awesome that something is wrong, but… well, you know. 

If it feels weird for me to celebrate your having to stop what you’re doing due to burnout, I want to be sorry, but I’m not. Here’s my thing: we don’t applaud saying “no” enough. 

Saying “no” is boundary-making/-maintaining and it’s critical to protecting your energy. Some may react to your boundaries with negativity. The classic, “What is wrong with you? Why don’t you want to come with me to the Chipotle grand opening?” But when you make the decision to stop because you’re being compassionate toward yourself, it’s the next step in working through the burnout. 

I don’t have much advice to share with you on this (other than to celebrate people’s “no” moments more often), but remember that even when you stop, it doesn’t mean you’re stopping for forever. It doesn’t even have to mean you’re stopping for the day. It just means you are striving to be present with yourself and that is a really good thing.

STEP 3: Take your time in running diagnostics and ask for help if you need it

Process, process, process. Lots of mental health professionals (including my therapists) will ask if you’ve processed these emotions–but what the heck does that mean? Well, I’ll tell you!

Processing emotion is.

It just is. We’re doing it all the time, we just don’t know it until we have some big bad emotion we don’t want to feel. We might be processing joy as we watch our kid giggle at something mundane. We might be processing anger as we get cut off by someone driving erratically. The process is the doing and emotion is always going through you.

But if you’re having trouble, start with noticing what’s happening in your body. For example, let’s try right now: take a breath and scan throughout your body; are your feet on the ground flat or are they bouncing? Are your shoulders up near your ears or are they drawn down? Do you feel more weight on one side of your body than another? Are your eyelids feeling heavy?

When we check in with our body, we can usually get a better idea of what’s happening. If your all tensed up around your shoulders and gritting your teeth, you might be angry. If you’re stomach hurts and your breathing a little heavier, you’re probably nervous. There’s a whole science to this “emotional sensations” stuff:

Full article from Greatist is here: Where Are Emotions Felt in the Body? [Image description: an infographic showing representations of emotion as they are felt through the body.]

And yeah, maybe you already knew that tears coming out of your eyes meant that you were feeling sad, fair enough, but the next step of understanding your emotions is to work through it. You can do so by talking it out, writing about it, doing some movement-based thing like dancing or walking, hugging a loved one for a long time. There are a whole bunch of things that you can do to work through your emotions. 

But what I really want to point out is that, foundationally, “processing emotion” is just feeling emotions. It’s not about expelling them, wringing them out of our bodies, or fixing our brains. Feelings are normal and valid and important–and try as we might, we cannot escape them, so we better get comfortable with having them along for the ride.

STEP 4: Get back in the car, and go where you need to go whether that’s a rest stop, the McDonalds drive-thru, your grandma’s house, or a gas station

Once you’ve done your body scan and taken the time to identify the emotion(s) or stressors that are impacting you, go take care of yourself. I know I just said this piece can be as simple as taking a walk, but there is a little more maintenance and intentionality involved.

You have to actually slow down and make a plan to get better. For me, that sometimes just means blocking off time in my calendar for human moments like going to the bathroom, eating my lunch, or talking to a friend (usually not all three at once, though). For others, maintenance might be finding a therapist, taking a nap, or finally making the doctor’s appointment you need to make. Regardless of what it is, make a plan to do it and then… do it. 

Follow through with your care plans and maintain their value. Others might question your priorities or consider it too “woo” to take a 10 minute meditation break–but their judgment isn’t helping you feel better so why listen to it?

I also understand that not everyone has understanding bosses or even the private space to meditate–and that’s why it’s important to create a plan that takes into consideration access, compatibility, and any communication that needs to happen beforehand. Normalize burnout, anxiety, depression, etc. Normalize the need to take time for yourself and to be curious about your healing journey. You’re worth it.

STEP 5: Know that it’s okay to get lost

I’m ending this blog here, with the sentiment that it’s okay to get lost. It’s okay to be burnt out. It’s okay to discover your rock bottom. It’s okay that this is hard freaking work. We’re in a pandemic, for goodness sake; and COVID-19 is not a scapegoat. It’s genuinely a massive shift to the gravity of our lives. 

And regardless of worldwide killer viruses, our lives are always complex. Burnout is just another means to learn more about our bodies, emotions, and human needs. Getting lost is just another form of discovery.

Burnout, stress, emotional angst–it’s real, it happens, and the important thing to know is that:

• this is temporary
• you’re not alone
• it’s not over, and 
• getting lost is sometimes part of the journey.

Regardless of where you are, you can find yourself. 

So even if you’re gunning the engine to get over the cliff or beyond the next highway or just out of this weird muddy rut, you can still slow down. Pull over. Take a beat to look up and be curious about the resilience of stars. Be in awe of the innumerable possibilities of where a breath can take you next. You got this.

Autumn is a senior Meyerhoff Scholar (M29), pursuing a BS in Chemistry and a BA in Gender, Women and Sexuality Studies dual degree, a member of the Honors College and currently a student staff member at the Women’s Center.

I need to make a disclaimer! I think that it is important to know from the forefront that I am both a STEM student and a humanities student, but the primary focus of my career will be in STEM. Here at UMBC I am pursuing both a BS in Chemistry and a BA in Gender, Women’s, + Sexuality Studies (GWST), and I am a Meyerhoff Scholar so it puts me in a bit of an interesting and unique place to write this blog post critiquing the institution of STEM (by STEM, I am referring to the collection of established scientists that shape the major trajectory of the larger infrastructure of research) from a critical humanitarian perspective because I have a foot on both sides of the channel separating science from humanities and humanities from science. I firmly believe that institutions need to be constantly critiqued and changed in order to remain effective at generating knowledge and not stagnant. After graduation, I plan on pursuing a PhD in a chemistry related field and a career in STEM research, but it is extremely important to me that i do not abandon the framework of thought that I developed within my GWST studies. 

Just focusing on UMBC, it is pretty clear to me that our school heavily values its science, technology, engineering and math (STEM) students. A recent editorial in The Retriever detailed the large inequity in funding and resources between UMBC’s STEM programs and UMBC’s non-STEM programs. Just going by raw money, “The College of Arts, Humanities and Social Science (CAHSS) total budget was $39,796,930” compared to “the Engineering and Information Technology and Natural and Mathematical Sciences [Colleges] (COEIT and CNMS respectively) had a total combined budget of $46,064,518,” the editorial goes on to say that the differences in budgeting do not reflect the number of majors offered by COEIT/CNMS and CAHSS. the problem with undervaluing arts and humanities in favor of valuing STEM research and institutions isn’t a problem that is isolated to UMBC or the University System of Maryland’s budgeting process. 

Image Description: This historical engraving, which depicts a large statue of a man straddling an entryway to a harbor, of what artist Martin Heemskerck believed the Colossus of Rhodes looked like with the superimposed text reading “STEM” on one side of the entrance, “HUMANITIES” on the other, and “ME” on top of the statue itself.

This budgetary discrepancy between STEM and non-STEM fields is indicative of a larger problem within society and STEM in general, where science is valued at a higher level than arts and humanities. This disparity gives rise to attitudes of STEM elitism within the science communities.

One of the most pervasive effects of this STEM elitism is the self-imposed isolated mindset. STEM often believes that it is on its own quarantined island, insulated from politics, social issues, and personal biases. The common belief is that STEM research is pure, factual, and just an analysis of how physical phenomena interact with each other. STEM is growing bacteria cultures or doing an electrochemical experiment and just being focused on the chemistry behind it. I mean, how can these bacteria or this newly synthesized compound be impacted by humanities or social science research? 

 This concept is unique amongst the STEM fields as other fields such as social sciences or humanities are often required by the nature of their research to account for and adjust on behalf of external and internal biases. However, STEM research, despite popular belief, is not immune to these biases. What can STEM learn from the humanities in terms of addressing these issues?

The Notion of STEM Superiority 

Accessibility

At UMBC, STEM students are somewhat isolated from the rest of the campus. Whether it is by the student’s own choice or just the actualized reality of their academic career, STEM students usually have to go out of their way to meaningfully interact with non-STEM students. This is, of course, due to the nature of STEM classes being extremely regimented, time intensive, and exclusive. Granted, every single major will separate as the classes become more specialized and start requiring more prerequisites to take, but the extent to which STEM classes separate is not the same as within humanities classes such as GWST courses. For example, many upper level GWST courses only require one or two prerequisite courses to take. For instance, I can take Queer Theory, a 400-level course that is crosslisted as a graduate level course within the GWST department here at UMBC after only taking one prerequisite class (Intro to Critical Sexuality Studies, a 200-level class). This is compared to a 400-level CHEM course, Inorganic Chemistry, which requires more than four prerequisite classes that take over two years to complete following the normal and recommended 4-year plan.

(Un)Biased Knowledge Making?

I think one of the fundamental and one of the most pervasive beliefs surrounding the concepts of “STEM Superiority,” can stem from the fine distinctions between the research environments. STEM research focuses primarily on discovering knowledge pertaining to how the natural world exists, and to explain why natural phenomena happen and how they interact with each other. On the other hand, humanities research details how humans react to the world, and how humans interact with each other. Some scientists believe  that because they are studying the fundamental phenomenon of the universe, the social sciences and potential impacts of human biases play no role in their research. At first glance, this might seem like a reasonable understanding of the situation because bacteria, solutions and spectrophotometers aren’t human and cannot be discriminated against! On the surface, this may be true but there are very significant factors that scientists should consider while doing their research. Scientists are human, and therefore have human biases, opinions and prejudices, whether they are well defined or not. Nobody can truly live an apolitical existence, and that includes scientists.

Who is Doing the Research?

These biases, opinions and prejudices can have an impact on the so-called “impartial research” of the scientist. One of the most obvious forms can be analyzed by asking “who is doing the research?” The vast majority of researchers are male, white, and were educated in Western Countries. This can be seen extremely clearly in the breakdown of Nobel Prize winners. As of 2020, no Black scientists have won the Nobel Prize in Physics, Chemistry or in Physiology or Medicine, and only five women have won the prize in Physics (2.2%), nine in Chemistry (4.7%) and twelve in Physiology or Medicine (5.4%). While the demographics of the recipients of the Nobel Prize are not the most representative study of diversity within STEM (or a good signifier of the diversity in STEM because it is a cherry picking of the scientists with the “most significant” research) further evidence of the imbalance within STEM can be signified by the existence of both the Meyerhoff Scholars and Center for Women in Technology (CWIT) Scholars programs at UMBC, with both programs’ main goals being to increase the diversity of underrepresented minorities in STEM. Even within UMBC where the overall student body is composed of 52.1% racial minorities, only 29.1% of our faculty are a part of racial minorities. 

Is Science Apolitical?

The lack of diversity can probably, at least, be blamed for the long, storied history of severe ethical breaches. From the Tuskegee Syphilis Study, where the Public Health Service non-consensually experimented on Black men by infecting them with syphilis and subsequently refusing to treat their symptoms all in the name of science, or the continued use of Henrietta Lacks’s cervical cancer cells without proper consent of the Lacks or the Lacks estate to the use them in medical research, science sometimes fails to address how real people are affected by the research that is performed. A lot of research is innocuous and will never affect the layman, but these potential ethical violations are not just historical. Even now, the eugenics implications of being able to selectively edit genes through CRISPR-CAS9 are being hotly debated, especially since two of the major scientists behind finding the enzymes just received the Nobel Prize in Chemistry! Further discussion also needs to be had about the gross amount of waste that chemical and biochemical research produces in both the forms of single use plastic and chemical waste and the numerous pressures that scientists face to capitalize on and make money from their research.

Now, I’m not saying that gross injustices and ethical violations will stop if scientists saw the need to incorporate social science and critical social justice methodologies into their research paradigms, but I do believe that scientists would be more likely to think of the implications of their methods and results within the larger context of the social-political system. While this problem is endemic of the entire system of knowledge-development in science, I think the problem of scientific research not acknowledging the larger work of humanities research and how they intersect can be traced back to how scientists are trained to be scientists. If primarily undergraduate institutions put more of a focus on building bridges between the pure science majors and the humanities majors instead of exclusively focusing on hard science, the students would be much more likely to carry this understanding of the wider world onto graduate school and the rest of the careers as scientists, hopefully eventually changing the entire research ecosystem acknowledge the greater impact of their scientific research.

America’s higher education institutions are historically built upon white supremacy and colonialism, and universities have a vested interest in maintaining their large endowments and reputation within the larger world. Regardless of the feelings and opinions of the people who are actually doing the research at the institutions, a large part of research is funded by the government to promote and further the oppressive agendas of the imperialistic state; for example millions of dollars are being pumped into research and development of the components of novel weapon systems for the military every day. 

While a single researcher or lab cannot change the entire institution, I believe that if enough of the STEM academy educate themselves and their colleagues about how science is much more than just looking at imagery data and making conclusions from a graph, STEM will be able to acknowledge and take from humanities and social sciences research to enrich methodologies and be more readily held accountable for its actions and digressions. 

Content Note: I wrote this as someone who identifies as a Nigerian-American. I wanted to share the parallels between those two parts of my identities. The blog explores police brutality occurring in Nigeria with specific focus on the events that occurred on October 20, 2020. The following may be triggering for some, as it contains descriptions and images of violence

What is SARS?

I was going to write a different kind of blog, one that told anyone who had not heard about the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS) or the protests going on in Nigeria, what it was. In fact, I had written a full page already, but something told me it was inadequate.

As a staff member of the Women’s Center, I wanted to write about how women have led and organized peaceful protests around the country, how they organized food, legal aid and medical care for people who had been shot at, arrested or needed sustenance during protests. I had wanted to write about how Nigerians managed to raise 4 million naira in two days to get a prosthetic for a disabled woman who had walked with everyone to protest. I wanted to explore  how that had started a conversation on how the Nigerian government had failed its disabled population, but the new generation of Nigerians were not going to do the same. I wanted to tell you how Muslims and Christians had hugged and walked together for a common cause.

I wanted to tell you how inspired I was by my peers, by my people, and I still am, but today I am angry. I am hurt. I am tired. So, If you have not heard about the movement to end (SARS), here is an Instagram post that gives a run-down on how and why the protests started:

The Night that Cost Many Their Lives

As of October 20, 2020 (when I first began writing this blog post), the Lagos state governor of Nigeria imposed a 24-hour curfew on its citizens beginning at 4pm. The government then proceeded to remove all Close Circuit Televisions (CCTVs) at a popular protest point called the Lekki toll gate. Many people could not get back home in time for the curfew as the curfew was announced only four hours before it was to commence. In a city like Lagos, with its traffic and congestion, it was definitely guaranteed that not everyone could go home in time. So, some protestors decided to stay at the toll gate, seated on the floor arms locked, with their Nigerian flags waving. They were going to sleep there, as many had done in the past week and a half, but this time, they were not safe.

When it turned dark, the toll gate lights were shut off, and the Nigerian army opened fire on these people. They opened fire on civilians. They opened fire on unarmed civilians. They opened fire on Nigerians who were just asking for their rights to be respected. They opened fire while the world watched on Twitter and Instagram. The world watched as protesters huddled together and tried to save the leg of a protester who had been shot. The world watched as they tried to dig a bullet from his leg using phone torch lights to see in the dark. The world watched as people were killed in cold blood. Actually, I should say the president of Nigeria watched. 

When I was kid, I was told the reason Nigeria did not have a red color on its flag was because our fight for independence was peaceful. I was told it was because no blood was shed for Nigerians to get their independence from the British. Today, there is red on that green white green. Today the Nigerian flag is stained red with the blood of its people. They came out to protest against police brutality. They came out to protest against the killing of their brothers and sisters by the Nigerian police and they were gunned down by the people meant to fight their wars – the Nigerian Army. And, while I am angry, I am also scared. I am terrified for my people. I am terrified because I have friends in Nigeria. I am terrified because I have family in Nigeria. 

How Tragedy Brought People Together

I have seen videos of protestors singing the national anthem while they were being shot at. One could hear the fear in the voice of the man recording as he sang with everyone. I have seen a video of a man waving the national flag while he was in pain from being shot by the Nigerian army. I have seen hotels open their doors to protestors who were stranded and running from the shooting. I have seen hospitals open their doors to treat victims of the shooting for free. So as I am terrified by the evil in humanity, I am also inspired by the good in it. The bravery and the resilience of Nigerians, of Black people despite recent events, awe me. 

Connecting Global Movements

On October 20, 2020, Nigeria stopped being a Democracy because, to me, no legitimate democratic government would allow its people to be shot dead on its streets. 

As someone who now lives in the United States, I can’t help but also connect what’s happening in Nigeria to the Black Lives Matter movement happening in the United States. This movement is also rooted in police brutality against Black bodies. I ask myself, is anywhere safe for Black people? The people of my race are still dying, when their only crime is living. 

The Power of Women

So yes,  I applaud organizations like the Feminist Coalition, who helped gather donations for protestors, and families of the protestors, who have lost their lives in the fight. I applaud women, like Aisha Yesufu, who has bravely led her people in the fight against police brutality, and whose picture is one of the most popular ones from the movement (see image below). Women like Moe Dele who led a group of lawyers going to police stations in different states to free protestors, who had been unlawfully arrested. Women like Feyikemi Abudu, who while being a part of the Feminist Coalition, has helped create a help line for protestors who need medical help, legal aid, or funding to create a protest anywhere around the country. I applaud them for showing how powerful women are.

The Power of the People

I also believe the real applause goes to the people. The people who have been on the streets, the people who have risked their lives, the people who died today at the Lekki Toll Gate Massacre, the people who have been dying throughout the past two weeks. The people whose death sparked these protests. I see you. The world sees you. Your efforts will not be forgotten.

If you are reading this and you are someone who prays, I implore you to pray for Nigeria, pray for a country that bleeds. If you are not, please send out all the positive energy and thoughts you can send towards Nigeria, and Nigerians. Lastly to all the Nigerians of the UMBC community you can go to UMBC’s statement related to the protests so that you may access resources to help you cope with the situation.

There are so many injustices happening around the world (Namibia, Congo, Cameroon, Armenia to name only a few) and sometimes the whole mountain of it can be depressing. The one thing we have to remember is to keep fighting against injustice and oppression and that our movements are connected. We must think globally and act locally.

To learn more about this critical issues and to keep up with movement here or in Nigeria, here are some social media accounts you may want to follow:

• @endsarsdmv (Instagram)
• @endsarsnyc (Instagram)
• @officialendsarsresponse (Instagram)
• @savvyrinu (Twitter)
• @Aishayesufu (Twitter)

Relationship Violence Awareness Month (RVAM) brings people together to create and generate discussion and skill-building on how to prevent relationship violence in our schools, workplaces, and communities, Since most of our campus remains learning and working remotely, we won’t be able to physically come together this October to do this critical work in person… but it doesn’t mean that learning is cancelled!

The Women’s Center has been creating weekly postings to help guide your self-learning that we’ll share with you each week in October. We’re already at our final week – week 4! Below is a short list of relevant webinars or events, podcasts or blogs, and on and off-campus resources dedicated to cultivating awareness about relationship violence, posting your skills and knowledge around the intersecting issues, and increasing access to important resources.

While some of the learning content we’re sharing is all-encompassing, we’re also narrowing down on  few key themes this year to include: The Covid-Crossings of Relationship Violence, Relationship Violence’s Matrix of Oppression, and Un/Healthy Relationships for Young Adults. Through self-guided learning, you can dig deeper by listening to a podcast, reading a blog, attending a webinar and more. 

We’ll also be sharing this content on social media so let us know what you’re learning or what questions you have in the comments! 

• These images are from Women’s Center Clothesline Project, which occurs twice a year. It is a way for survivors to share their stories and experiences with sexual violence, and as one can see from the images, no survivor experience is the same. You can learn more about the Clothesline project here. Due to the Pandemic the project is not accepting projects, but will be back once the campus is fully open.
• Campuses all over the country are becoming more aware of how domestic violence affects the lives of college students. This article details the experience of a survivor in college, and how college campuses are helping to support survivors despite policy obstacles.
• This vlog was created by the One Love Foundation provides an in-depth view of what an abusive relationship looks like, behind the “couple goals” posts on social media. Please note that this video may be triggering to some as it contains images of violence.
• The Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence is an off-campus resource that includes hotlines which can help survivors access shelter, counseling, legal information, and referrals to other services.
• This podcast from “I’m not in an Abusive Relationship” gives Jen’s account of her experience with dating violence at the age of 15. Even though she was still in high-school, and living with her parents.
• Reminder: The Office of Equity and Inclusion’s SafeColleges mandatory training program is due November 1st. UMBC’s Faculty and Staff must complete their training by December 11th.