The Baltimore Philharmonia Orchestra is currently accepting applications for multiple positions as section trombonists. This is a volunteer position. The orchestra rehearsals are every Tuesday (Sept through May ), 7:00-9:30pm at the Loch Raven High School, Towson, MD. There is not an audition for this position and there is no fee charged to orchestra members for participation in the orchestra. Candidates who are interested in this position can apply through the join us tab on our website or contact us directly through the email listed on this website.

Happy April Fools’ Day! You are reading an article written for our April Fools’ edition of the newspaper, The Deceiver. This is a work of satire.

Only some roses are red

Violets are technically not blue

I cannot get out of bed

And STEM majors are too neurotic for you

Humanities kids are always high

But at least they are way more chill

Tinder on campus makes me want to cry

And the boys you want to like you never will

Literally everyone wears sweatshirts

And the library is for snobs

The amount of reading I have to do hurts

The LARPers have turned into a mob

There is barely any vegetarian food

I have eaten the same meals every which way

I do not think I am going crazy, dude

But I saw the moon yesterday

Signed,

Every Dumbass Student

There will be bedrooms  available  for summer break or fall semester  2019 student(lease 9 month or longer)

price ：   $400 to  $420 /month + utilities (average $50/month/per month)+ wifi $10/per month

Location: Walking distance to UMBC about 5 minutes.

If interesting, please contact me:

e-mail,  lidimin@gmail.com or text 4432979266

There will be bedrooms  available  for summer break or fall semester  2019 student(lease 9 month or longer)

price ：   $400 to  $420 /month + utilities (average $50/month/per month)+ wifi $10/per month

Location: Walking distance to UMBC about 5 minutes.

If interesting, please contact me:

e-mail,  lidimin@gmail.com or text 4432979266

Happy April Fools’ Day! You are reading an article written for our April Fools’ edition of the newspaper, The Deceiver. This is a work of satire.

After receiving a landmark number of individuals running for the Student Government Association election for the 2019-2020 year, the current SGA executive board has decided to completely do away with elections. The decision comes just days after this year’s ballot was released, which counts just one candidate running for each executive position.

“It just seems unnecessary,” said Collin Sullivan, current SGA president. “We already know who’s going to win, so why does it even matter?”

This year will mark the first year in the school’s history where the SGA executive board is simply appointed rather than elected by a democratic vote of the student body. Last year’s election garnered responses from about 5 percent of the undergraduate student body, so, naturally, many have questioned the point of it all.

An SGA Senator was found complaining in the Student Organization Space late last Friday evening about the ‘performative nature’ of this year’s elections, stating, “It seems like we’re doing this for the sake of saying we model the actual government. But we’re a student government for a reason.”

She continued, “In the real world, who’s going to care if I won by popular vote or if I was appointed to office? Literally no one.”

Students across campus who have never before cared about or voted in SGA elections took to the Facebook page UMBC Memes for Smoke-Free Teens to express their disapproval.

“What’s next?” one student asked. “A Hrabowski-appointed team of underlings designed to undermine the freedoms of the students and work as extensions of the administration? Oh wait.”

Another student commented, “I can’t wait to see all the progress this year’s new executive board will make.”

All typical election events will still occur, as scheduled. That means that students will still be able to meet the candidates in several open forums before the appointment date and inauguration. Attendance at these events has been historically low, and because of the new appointment strategy, they will likely only get lower.

According to the Stew Research Center, apathy among college students has been on the rise, increasing from 8 percent to record highs of 49 percent over the past two years. Students at college campuses across the country have reported feeling disconnected and indifferent to decisions that have the potential to affect their lives, because truly, as Sullivan stated, what even matters anymore?

SGA officials and UMBC administration feel that student apathy is to blame for decreased interest in student government and have adjusted accordingly. The SGA executive board and university officials stated in a joint press brief released last Monday that “SGA will continue to function as a voice for the student body, regardless of election procedures.”

All 5 percent of them.

Happy April Fools’ Day! You are reading an article written for our April Fools’ edition of the newspaper, The Deceiver. This is a work of satire.

UMBC was established more than fifty years ago, and our basketball team has been a hot topic for approximately one of those years. To see what all the hubbub was about, I decided to attend a real live basketball game. Well, I intended to but, you know how these things go. I got pretty tired and then decided to curl up on the couch with 30 Rock and Ben and Jerry’s instead. But my boyfriend went, so I got the deets anyway and am, like, so excited to share them with you!

UMBC threw down against Hartford in a hot and sweaty battle royale where only one team would emerge victorious and move on to the next round of pre-March Madness madness. The game started off with high energy. Fans swarmed the student section, yelling things like “go team!” and “Tara, please, take me back I’m sorry I cheated!” School spirit had never been on such high display on UMBC’s premises.

At the tip-off, UMBC seized the ball — or, wait, was it Hartford? No, definitely UMBC. I think. Anyway, the Retrievers seized the ball and drove down the court, dribbling the buoyant orange globe all over the lacquered, oatmeal brown court. The ball bounced loudly, filling the stadium with sharp echoes, like a tall butch queen splitting firewood in a tin shed, but less titillating. The echoes seemed to confuse the other team, as Hartford players swiveled their necks constantly and kept running in different directions. It was as if instead of playing a zone defense, they were on some sort of … man-to-man plan. Weird. Anyway, UMBC took advantage of this shortcoming by throwing the ball right into the little net-hole that players are always aiming for. They got three points for that one, but then Hartford got the ball for some reason and turned around, running toward a different net and eventually scoring a two-point conversion.

Things were looking bleak for UMBC. There was a lot of back-and-forth ball throwing that was not very interesting until something huge happened: corruption. Yes, you heard me. Out of nowhere, the referee took the ball away from the Retrievers and gave it to Hartford! For no reason! And then Hartford got to shoot at the net without any defensive players. They even paused the clock during all this. To figure out what was going on, I decided to reach out to a basketball expert: my dad. My dad coached recreational basketball ten years ago, so I figured, who better to answer my questions? I sat down and called him on the phone. He didn’t answer. Double weird.

After over an hour of basketball, I was pretty upset. From the looks of it, not even one player did that cool move where you spin a basketball around on your fingertip. To make matters even worse, players kept trying to steal the ball away from the other team, which, if you ask me, is totally not what sports are about. Sports should be about having fun. Even up by five points at the end of the game, the Retrievers did not look like they were having fun. Instead, the players shrieked and yelled, jumping up and down like some sort of battle ritual. And, honestly? They were all kinda … sweaty. It was — in a word — gross.

If you’re thinking about attending a basketball game at UMBC, you should. From what I’ve seen, it would be surprising if our team wasn’t the top three in the whole country. After a long day of classes, try something new. March across campus to the Event Center and go crazy. Scream from the stands and paint your face yellow or black … err, actually, please don’t. Throw popcorn at the players, smell the body-stench of the hundreds of people crowded into one stadium, and, most importantly, enjoy yourself. But if you can lounge on your couch with a book and a stiff drink while your S.O. sends you pics from the game, do that instead. Always do that instead.