Happy April Fools’ Day! You are reading an article written for our April Fools’ edition of the newspaper, The Deceiver. This is a work of satire.

Only some roses are red

Violets are technically not blue

I cannot get out of bed

And STEM majors are too neurotic for you

Humanities kids are always high

But at least they are way more chill

Tinder on campus makes me want to cry

And the boys you want to like you never will

Literally everyone wears sweatshirts

And the library is for snobs

The amount of reading I have to do hurts

The LARPers have turned into a mob

There is barely any vegetarian food

I have eaten the same meals every which way

I do not think I am going crazy, dude

But I saw the moon yesterday

Signed,

Every Dumbass Student